Dismantling the myth of “experience”

Photo by Romina Farías on Unsplash

As an educator, one of the most common concerns I hear is the fear of not being experienced enough, even from those who’ve had many partners and relationships.

After some reassurance, my response is almost always the same:

And who’s measuring what “enough” is? Do they have a device? Is there a questionnaire? Some sort of standardized protocol, maybe?

This illusion of experience is partly evolutionary but mostly stems from our attachment wounds. From our deep, burning need to be loved.

And from the belief — the conditioning — that tells us we need to…


Rethinking breathwork and diversity for pandemic times and beyond

Photo by Andras Kovacs on Unsplash

Breathing might be the most personal and intimate act we can experience. Even more so than sex because breath touches depths no one else can reach.

It slips into nooks and crannies and parts of self that no diagnostic device can get to.

But I don’t own my breath. It isn’t something I can have possession over. It’s a force — enabled by a biological function — that happens to be wearing my skin for a while.

It’s a collaboration, not a hierarchy.

Breath is a privilege

All life breathes but being able to do so effortlessly and without fear or distress is an…


9 tips for self-regulation in times of overwhelm

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

When we’re chronically activated, we may as well be living in our lizard brains.

Working towards regulation — carrying a soft, responsive body attitude — allows us to recruit more of the emotional intelligence associated with our human brain.

It also supports all the parasympathetic processes we need to survive day-to-day through extended periods of stress and conflict.

None of the items in this list are new or exotic.

I’ve selected them simply because they’re the easiest to implement. They don’t require any special apparatus, technical knowledge or a practitioner’s…


Photo by: Taras Chernus

Every human animal on this planet has been called into being by a profoundly creative and collaborative act.

We are literally made of sex.

And yet, the thing that started our story is so often reduced to mere behavior, hidden away from the whole.

Most of us were brought up to believe sex was bad or dirty. That our orientation was wrong or sinful.

And for those of us with traumatic sexual histories, confusion, shame and stigma can make finding a connection to sexual authenticity that much more challening.

Even though we know all the stories aren’t true, it’s hard…

Nischa Phair

She/her. Writer, embodiment researcher and trauma-informed coach. Comfort is underrated. www.nischaphair.com

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